holiday season: New York - Enjoy with your morning coffee

New York is a fascinating, frenetic, and fabulously over the top city in which you can practically do/see/eat anything your heart desires. Maybe that’s why I always feel completely overwhelmed by the possibilities whenever I visit. “Should I stay uptown, downtown, or midtown?” is inevitably followed by research on how close I can get to Sugar Sweet Sunshine on Rivington so that I can pop in every morning for one of their aptly named Sunshine cupcakes. Despite the lure of buttercream, I ended up staying over by 59th Avenue and Lexington on my most recent visit in early December. Although I was there primarily to spend time with family, I was also excited to see New York during the holiday season. As always, time was not on my side and I didn’t get to visit many of the restaurants, shops, and museums that had been suggested to me. So here is just a small slice of the NY that I experienced in just three delightful days.

Bergdorf Goodman windows, Christmas in Manhattan, Holiday 2012, Magnolia Bakery, New York, Sprinkles, Stumptown Coffee, Sugar Sweet Sunshine

Where you choose to hang your hat in Manhattan really does impact your stay, despite easy access subway lines that will you take you all over the five burroughs and back28th Street Subway again. Staying uptown really threw a wrench in most of my morning plans as all of the coffee places I had read about like Bluebird Cafe were in the East Village or Soho. Luckily I discovered Stumptown Coffee Roasters inside the Ace hotel at 29th and Broadway. It was a mere fifteen minute walk from where I was staying and delivered solid cappuccinos with a small selection of delicious baked goods like apricot thyme scones. They only accept cash which made me feel right at home as loads of cafes in Paris either have a card minimum or don’t accept them at all. I was even able to pick up a beautifully designed burr coffee grinder they had for sale made by Red Rooster Trading Company. I’m looking forward to grinding my own beans from my neighborhood farmer’s market back in Paris.

There are always a few tried & true spots that I insist on visiting every time I’m in New York. One of them is the Dean & Deluca on Prince St. in Soho, where I like to stop in for one of their melt in your mouth iced lemon poppyseed scones. Unfortunately this time around the girl behind the counter gave me a quizzical look when I asked for one and offered me a lemon muffin instead which sadly paled in comparison. However it’s still a great stop for a fresh bite on the go, a quick coffee before commencing your Soho window licking or souvenirs for your pantry back home.


As this was my first time in New York during the holiday season I was keen to take in all Bergdorf Goodmanthe window displays of the big department stores lining 5th Ave. It was no surprise that the always alluring Bergdorf Goodman windows were the clear front runners in extravagance, opulence and whimsy. The windows were inspired by the 1920s jazz age and were entitled, ” BG Follies of 2012.” David Hoey, Director of Visuals at Bergdorf Goodman designed a truly decadent demonstration of Art Deco drama. I was dazzled each time I strolled past…

Of course I did the obligatory peek at the Christmas tree at Rockefeller center and it was indeed cinematic to see the ice skaters twirling underneath the skyscrapers of Manhattan.

Everyone kept telling me how I had just missed a week of unusual warm winter weather as my time in New York was frosty, damp and a bit dreary. Of course that’s perfect weather for indulging in all of my favorite sweet treats. It must seem at this point that all I ever consume is pastry and sugar but I promise there were a few savory highlights on my trip. I did however finally get to try an Italian gelateria called GROM that I’ve seen in Paris and that many of my friends have been insisting I try for ages Sugar Sweet Sunshinenow. After tasting their Gianduja affogato with a scoop of nocciola topped with their ultra dense Panna Montata I was a believer.

I also finally gave in to years of baiting by friends to try Magnolia Bakery’s cupcakes. Ok before I begin I must state for the record that I am a west coast lad and will always proclaim Sprinkles as being the pinnacle of cupcake perfection. Having said that, Magnolia’s were absolutely decent. I tried a simple vanilla buttercream and it was good…not great…definitely not Sprinkles. In fact as I mentioned earlier on, my favorite east coast cupcake shop is still SUGAR SWEET SUNSHINE! Their little shop at 126 East Rivington always smells like my childhood and I love all the sass of their cakes and their employees.
I did manage to carve out an afternoon to visit my dear friend Susan for lunch in Williamsburg. She is an acupuncturist with a practice in Manhattan specializing in women’s health. When we get together we like to gab about fashion, food and tea leaves. She always indulges me in my quest for more insight into eastern medicine and she gets that cupcakes here and there are definitely ok. If you live in the New York area and are ever interested in acupuncture I would highly recommend giving her a call, ny chi She suggested a place called Marlow and Sons which I had heard about and was Brooklyn Heightsexcited to finally check out.

I am happy to report that not only was my coffee delicious but our food was superb. Even though it was lunchtime I was in the mood for something breakfasty so I had their poached eggs over a bed of kale served with sauteed forest mushrooms and a biscuit for good measure! It was a memorable meal despite the fact that the darkened and cramped interior of the restaurant left me feeling a little claustrophobic. She took me over to Brooklyn Heights afterwards for a stroll around the handsome brownstones while I regaled her with stories of Parisian living.

The absolute foodie highlight of the whole trip though came at the end with an unexpected dinner on my last night at Thomas Keller’s restaurant PER SE I feel like such a bad blogger because I failed to take any photographs of my meal or the restaurant itself. It was definitely one of those places where snapping a quick pic of my gorgeously Per Se Cookiesplated food seemed inappropriate. It was also such a treat that I thought I’d take a break from recording all the details and just let myself get swept away by the scene. Having lived in the bay area I of course was familiar with the infamous French Laundry but I had never been lucky enough to dine there.

I have been to Bouchon in Yountville as well as the location in Beverly Hills but nothing could prepare me for the meal at Per Se. From start to finish it was absolute heaven, one of those rare dining moments where everyone’s eyes rolled into the back of their heads from amuse bouche to entree to dessert. I realize it is a small fortune to eat here but you would be hard-pressed to find a better place to feel like you were in a world class city dining on supremely sophisticated yet delicious food all the while overlooking glorious Central Park. It was a very glamorous New York evening. I did manage to take one photo that for me sums up the elegance of Per Se, their departing gift of a stack of freshly baked shortbread cookies stuffed with a chocolate/berry ganache to, as the server put it, “Enjoy with your morning coffee.” I’m in love!

Good coffee in Le Marais - The Broken Arm Cafe

I am so thrilled to be reporting on a new cafe find that just opened up right smack dab in my neighborhood! Mes amis have been putting up with my constant

complaints of Broken Flowersthe lack of a cafe serving up good coffee in Le Marais for the last year. I usually trek out to Kooka Boora in the 9th Arrondissement or to Coutume in the 7th for my flat white fix and both require multiple metro changes. I will sometimes frequent La Cafeotheque which is a little closer to home in the 4th but I just can’t get behind their adoption of an additional 1 Euro fee to have your coffee “sur place” making an already expensive cup of joe even pricier.

It was just a few weeks ago while walking my dog in front of the Square du Temple that I spotted a new corner cafe called The Broken Arm. It’s housed in a beautiful Haussmanian building with large windows facing both the park and my local town hall. I peeked in and the first thing that greeted me was a shiny new La.

Marzocco machine Broken cookiesiting pretty on their countertop. My heart fluttered and I knew it would be love, love, love. I sat down and ordered a cafe creme with a generous side of chocolate chip cookie. Not only was my coffee perfectly poured but the latte art was exquisite. I had some time to take in the aesthetic which seems Scandinavian in scope. Old geometric tile floors in shades of cream and gray were home to tables with blond wooden legs that resembled primary school desks. The cafe benefits from south facing views of the lovely Square du Temple and allows for lots of natural Parisian light to come pouring through in the late afternoons. I’m positive it will be stunning come late Spring and Summer. If park views aren’t your thing you can certainly get inspiration from gazing at the dapper dandys who lazily sipped on cafe noisettes while munching on slices of poppyseed cake or chic fashionistas who were coyly sipping on freshly pressed carrot juice and enjoying the salad and soup du jour.

I went back a few days later with my good friend and coffee confidante Candice for a petit-dejeuner and to verify that my first visit wasn’t a fluke. We both ordered tartines that were served with Candicevery good jam and butter and 2 more cafe cremes. We found everything to be flawless including the connecting retail space next door. Since she speaks much better French than me, she was able to find out that they have only been open for about a month and that they are using Oslo based coffee brand Solberg & Hansen. It looks like I have finally found a place in the Parisian sun to indulge in my coffee/cookie cravings, but the sweetest surprise of all…. no metro ride required.

Paris, coffee, The Broken Arm Cafe, la marzocco, marais coffee, parisian latte art, solberg&hansen, noma, le marais, lunch in le marais, cafe creme

The Broken Arm Cafe: 12 Rue Perree in the 3rd Metro: Filles du Calvaire
Hours of Operation:Monday 2-6pm Tuesday-Saturday:9am-6pm Closed on Sundays!

children living with an Autism

A few nights ago, after managing a rather long and tempestuous battle, I lay in bed and thought to myself… Have the lambs stopped screaming yet, Clarice?

You see, with all of the noise, I thought I must have somehow stumbled into a horror flick.  Soon enough, I remembered it was only my daughter having a tantrum.  I’m quite convinced she has a great future in cinematography.  At least her flair for dramatics would indicate as much.

This time, the trigger was over her bedtime attire.  She thought it would be a good idea to wear a summer nightgown to bed.  Given the 20 degree temperature outside, I felt otherwise and stood firm by my conviction.  Thus began a brutal tug-of-war battle between a five-year-old girl, her frazzled mother and a pink princess nightgown.

An hour later, my daughter finally asleep, a pile of woulda-coulda-shouldas began infesting my brain… Maybe if I woulda just let her wear it, she coulda learned her lesson… let her see for herself how cold it gets. No, no, no she woulda not made this connection and coulda got sick. Then I woulda had to carry her, kicking and screaming, to the doctor. Maybe I shoulda just taken the gown out of the drawer before winter started. Why do I never think of these things beforehand? I can’t expect her to understand all of this yet, she has Autism!

She has Autism.

I will readily admit, I have a bad habit of throwing the A-card into any mix.  I can’t seem to help it, as it does often present a difficult set of challenges. However, A-card or not, every parent goes through these battles and the nasty woulda-coulda-shouldas that follow. It’s natural to think too deeply into things. These are our kids. We want the best for them.

It all begins with ‘the dream’ – the one we have before our children are born. It’s the dream of having the most accomplished child in the world; straight A’s, lots of friends and excelling at everything he or she attempts, while we, the parents, sit on the bleachers and jubilantly call… That’s my boy!  That’s my girl!

Through my first pregnancy, I had ‘the dream’, and throughout my son’s infancy, I held it firmly in both fists.

Parenting my son proved unexpectedly challenging. His behavior was different from the other children his age and his development lagged behind as well. Despite this, his pediatrician never seemed concerned, so I began questioning myself. After all, I’d followed the same recipe as my mother when she’d raised me. Was I a terrible cook, or a terrible mother?

Finally, we moved to another suburb of Atlanta, and after seeing a new pediatrician, my son was referred to several psychological experts who diagnosed him as having an Autism Spectrum Disorder. On one hand, I felt relieved because I finally had an answer. I wasn’t a terrible mother after all. On the other hand, I was absolutely terrified. At the time, my only point of reference was the movie, “Rainman”. I had not anticipated this. This was not part of ‘the dream’. That’s not my boy.

That’s not my girl.

Count your blessings. This is usually the first thing any observer will advise, and true, it is healthy to do during any difficult ordeal. What I’ve learned from these experiences is it’s also quite healthy to grieve the loss of ‘the dream’. After all, with any diagnosis, one often begins with Denial. It is only through the stages of grief we can finally reach Acceptance. How else is one expected to recognize the pieces, pick them up and move on?

Once moving again, you realize, yes, ‘the dream’ is indeed gone. However, you’ve now awakened to real life now – one that will surely unfold into something more beautiful than a dream. You just have to open your eyes and finally see it.

I am the mother of two children living with an Autism Spectrum Disorder; my son, age 8, and my daughter, age 5.  Our journey so far has taught me to never take a single word, smile, or moment of eye-contact for granted. This makes me just like every other parent – each of my children just like every other child. Our lives are really not so different. The only difference is often in how we are perceived.

I won’t lie to you, there are still days when I feel angry over our particular set of circumstances. Other days, I often wonder if they are putting the wrong people on the spectrum. Writing about it all allows me to gain the proper perspective.  Sharing it through this blog, I hope it does the same for others.

I am honored to have been given the opportunity to write this column.  Mind you, I don’t consider myself an Autism expert, rather a 40-whatever-year-old mother with some experience on the subject and a propensity towards sarcastic humor. Right now, I send these words from atop an embarrassingly large island of unfolded laundry. The only things missing are a lawn chair, a pina colada and… well, the ocean, unless you count the blue water in the nearby toilet.

Whether you have children in the spectrum or not, I hope you’ll be able to relate, gain something positive within my words, even if only a smile. Thank you for reading and I hope you’ll return again.

Empowering Knowledge of Autism

Two weeks ago, after days of cold rain, the weather finally turned its nose toward a much warmer corner. As my son played in the backyard, I swept off the deck, all the while noting how increasingly absentminded I was becoming. Okay, I got that swept, now I need to... oh wait, I missed a spot, I need to... oh great, now where the heck did I put that broom??

Stepping down to the lawn, I turned and planted my right foot into an odd hole, twisting it sharply as I fell to the ground. The pain was intense!

My son ran over. “Mommy, are you okay?”

“Yeah… I just need some… time,” I grimaced.

“I’m worried,” he replied, his anxiety evident in his fast-blinking eyes.

“Don’t you worry, Honey. I’ll be fine by tomorrow. I just need to get inside.”

As happens to most of us during times like these, the sweet taste of denial had already begun to take over my common sense.

No, my foot is fine. I just need a little more time.

An automatic defense mechanism, a state of denial is where our minds initially fall in order to protect ourselves from the stress of any unknown. It compels us to pull every chipped rationale from our pockets and lay them on the table. True, it may lighten the load, but it’s always a gamble, especially when it comes to a child with a developmental delay.

No, my son is fine. He just needs a little more time.

From the day he was born, I noticed some odd little blips in my son’s behavior. In fact, it raised a flag high enough to compel me to look it up on the internet. His pediatrician at the time dismissed the concern, and thus I settled down into a comfortable state of denial.

As my son grew into a toddler, the little blips became bumps. Our close friends and families began dropping their hints of observation. By this point, I’d denied my own for so long I refused to see them anymore. When I looked at my son, I only saw myself. After all, he was so much like the way my mother had described me at this age. I thought, If he’s so much like me and I grew up just fine, then he will also grow up to be just fine, too.

More months went by and the bumps grew bumpier. His developmental milestones were getting tougher to meet, his tantrums more intense. So what if he’s a little sensitive and qwerky? He just needs more time!

Finally, a good friend stepped in for a denial intervention. Heaven only knows how many times she’d watched as I batted away all those mosquitos of concern. Armed with her own personal denial swatter, she met me at the park. Initially, I expected she was there to help me swat away those mosquitos. Instead, she raised the swatter and hit me squarely between the eyes. “Maybe you should get him evaluated… just to see. If it comes back as nothing, then you have that peace of mind. If it comes back as something else, then you know what you’re facing. You have nothing to lose, only to gain.”

Despite the perfect sense it made, the words still stung a little. However, I needed to be swatted by them. I’d become so trapped in my own state of denial, I wasn’t seeing things straight. I have a sneaking suspicion there may be other parents right now struggling in the same position.

Autism is a word that should never be denied nor feared. As I’d thought all along, my son indeed needed more time. It just needed to be time well spent. Thanks to the knowledge we gained by seeking help, we’ve better supported him through his early development and education. Through it all, he remains the same kid he always was. The only person who changed was me, a parent now empowered by knowledge.

Today, I look at my son and I see something different, but it isn’t Autism. I see my son. Before long, he’ll grow up to be an adult, just like me. Just like me, he’ll be just fine.

I thought my injured foot didn’t really warrant a trip to the hospital. My fiancé, on the other hand, made it clear he felt otherwise. Eventually, his strong persistence overtook my denial-ridden protests and I agreed to take a trip to the local ER that evening. I didn’t expect (nor like) the diagnosis, but I do feel empowered by the knowledge I gained… as well as by the pair of crutches I also received that evening.

Now, I send these words from atop another embarrassingly large island of unfolded laundry. The only things missing are a lawn chair, a pina colada and… oh great, now where the heck did I put those crutches??

What exactly is the recommended course of autism treatment?

“Peanut butter and jewwy!” my daughter bellowed from the dinner table.

“Do you think she’ll ever get tired of peanut butter and jelly?” my son asked.

“No way,” my fiancé, Jim, replied. “I bet she could eat peanut butter and jelly until the sun explodes. Couldn’t you Charlotte?”

Peanut butter… AND JEWWY!!”

“That would not be very good,” my son noted. “The sun provides the earth with its warmth and energy.”

Easy does it, Captain Literal.

“Well, that was a good dinner. Now I need to get back to work,” Jim announced, smacking his hands across his knees.

Suddenly, my daughter left the table, walked over to a nearby lamp in our family room and smacked the metal base of it with the palm of one hand. It produced a sound near identical to the one Jim had just made when he’d slapped his knees. We all stared in curious silence. “Well, I’m glad we got that settled,” I smiled.

What were the earliest signs of Autism in your children?

As an infant, my son was labeled as “colic” – back when the term still existed. Every afternoon, he would cry for hours. Feeding was also a daunting task, as he had a sensitive gag reflex and refused to touch many foods with his hands. As he continued to grow, he began exhibiting sensitivities to certain sights, sounds and textures, often tantrumming violently when confronted by them. He also engaged in repetitive behaviors; like rocking and humming, shaking his head from side to side and flapping his hands. However, his eye contact was pretty good and he was always smiling. A very lovable child who was smart as whip! “Scary smart” as one person labeled it. At twenty months of age, he’d taught himself how to read all of the letters of the alphabet and the numbers up to twenty. This one-year-old would actually sit in the grocery cart and read the sku numbers off the shelves as we rolled past them. It was amazing!

“It is four times more likely to affect a boy versus a girl,” the psychologist noted when she delivered his diagnosis.

I looked down at my infant daughter in my arms and thought, Thank God you’re a girl!

As an infant, my daughter was just as brilliant as my son, but remarkably different at the same time. She was a much easier-going baby! At first, we assumed she was developing normally, as it sure seemed to be so. By nine months of age, she dug her hands into table food and fed herself without a problem. By twelve months of age, she started using a spoon. She said words like “Mama” and “milk” and “bye bye” until… Shortly after her first birthday, the bye-bye went away, and I noticed she wasn’t saying “Mama” or “milk” anymore either. In fact, she wasn’t saying a whole lot of anything. She also didn’t walk until 16 months of age, and when she did, she had this strange little habit of pacing back and forth on her tiptoes. Sometimes, she’d stand in the middle of the room and spin around and around until she fell against the furniture. She’d simply rub her injury, get up and spin some more.

Later, she refused to use a spoon and, eventually, I noticed she wasn’t responding to her name. It was as if she had suddenly gone deaf. More and more, she withdrew until finally, by nineteen months of age, she was branded with the same diagnosis as my son.

(To learn more about the early behavior characteristics of autism, please visit this website:http://www.child-behavior-guide.com/)

My two-year-old son spins around and walks on his tip-toes all the time, too. Do you think I should be concerned?

I get this kind of question all the time. These behaviors, in and of themselves, do not necessarily indicate a problem. Keep in mind, every young child does odd things here and there as their brains continue to develop. It only becomes a red flag when A) It impedes their developmental progress (or causes it to regress), or B) it impedes on their ability to play appropriately, communicate, perform academically or socialize. However, if there is ever any worry over what your children are doing, you should always take the conservative approach and ask your pediatrician. If your worries are substantiated, ask if they’ll refer your 0-3 year-old to be evaluated by your county’s early intervention program. They’ll give you a definitive answer without hitting your wallet too hard. To get the information you need for your area, click here.

What if my child is 3 years of age or older?

True, most government-funded early intervention programs only address concerns regarding children ages 0-3. After that, you will need to consult the website of your county public school system. Most counties offer special education services for preschool-aged children on the spectrum. I’ll talk more at length about this in my future writings.

I can’t imagine what it must be like getting handed an autism diagnosis for both of your children. How did you handle all of that emotionally?

When my son was diagnosed, I was in a fog. I was so clueless about autism, and as I said before, he reminded me so much of what I was like as a child (and still does). I think that helped me cope through his diagnosis and challenges. I felt like I could relate to him very well, and thus, had a keen sense of what his needs were.

When my daughter was diagnosed, the bottom fell out. We were now facing autism again only from a much different angle. I say this because I felt a lot more fear for my daughter. You see, my son never regressed like she did and I worried about her more-pronounced social withdrawal. It was much more difficult to connect with her. That scared me. No doubt, the onset and diversity of symptoms, as well as the steps towards improvement, can vary widely in all ASD children, as best demonstrated by my own two children.

At his four-year well-check, my son’s pediatrician said… “I’m just amazed. If I was seeing this child for the very first time today, I would have never guessed he ever received an ASD diagnosis.” Meanwhile, at my daughter’s four-year well-check, she wasn’t yet communicating and barely cognizant of her environment. Rather than the steady improvement we continue to observe with my son, it seems my daughter often takes two steps forward and one step back. I really wish I knew why, and the mystery surrounding this has been the toughest thing for me to cope with emotionally. I’ve had to continually remind myself to just let that mystery go and stop measuring her progress against that of my son’s. She’s a different child than he is – gender, personality… everything! I can’t keep attempting to apply the same therapies that worked well for him and expect the same results for her. Most importantly of all, I can’t ever lose hope, simply because my daughter’s progress looks different. She has worked just as hard as her brother, shown remarkable improvement in her own beautiful manner. I’m so very proud of them both and very blessed to be their mother.

One of my favorite movies of all time is an 80’s film called “Parenthood”, which released before anyone ever heard the words ‘Autism Spectrum Disorder’. In one scene, Mary Steenburgen listened to her insufferable brother-in-law (Rick Moranis) as he gloated about his brilliant daughter. Suddenly, her youngest son came galloping into the kitchen, donning a bucket over his head, and proceeded to bang it against the kitchen cabinets. “He likes butting things with his head,” she noted sheepishly. Meanwhile, Steve Martin was frowning over his oldest son, Kevin, an extremely sensitive seven-year-old who stresses over most everything. “Why is he like this?!” Martin griped, as he stressfully pulled at his own shirt collar.

As I sit atop my island of unfolded laundry, eating a PB&J (just in case the sun ever explodes), I can’t help but smile. Sure, our kids will do some pretty kooky stuff – some of it will likely worry us to death! If we take just a moment and look at them closely, we’ll know everything is going to be okay, because if we look at them closely, we can see a reflection of ourselves in their eyes.

What were the earliest signs of Autism in your children?

“Peanut butter and jewwy!” my daughter bellowed from the dinner table.

“Do you think she’ll ever get tired of peanut butter and jelly?” my son asked.

“No way,” my fiancé, Jim, replied. “I bet she could eat peanut butter and jelly until the sun explodes. Couldn’t you Charlotte?”

Peanut butter… AND JEWWY!!”

“That would not be very good,” my son noted. “The sun provides the earth with its warmth and energy.”

Easy does it, Captain Literal.

“Well, that was a good dinner. Now I need to get back to work,” Jim announced, smacking his hands across his knees.

Suddenly, my daughter left the table, walked over to a nearby lamp in our family room and smacked the metal base of it with the palm of one hand. It produced a sound near identical to the one Jim had just made when he’d slapped his knees. We all stared in curious silence. “Well, I’m glad we got that settled,” I smiled.

What were the earliest signs of Autism in your children?

As an infant, my son was labeled as “colic” – back when the term still existed. Every afternoon, he would cry for hours. Feeding was also a daunting task, as he had a sensitive gag reflex and refused to touch many foods with his hands. As he continued to grow, he began exhibiting sensitivities to certain sights, sounds and textures, often tantrumming violently when confronted by them. He also engaged in repetitive behaviors; like rocking and humming, shaking his head from side to side and flapping his hands. However, his eye contact was pretty good and he was always smiling. A very lovable child who was smart as whip! “Scary smart” as one person labeled it. At twenty months of age, he’d taught himself how to read all of the letters of the alphabet and the numbers up to twenty. This one-year-old would actually sit in the grocery cart and read the sku numbers off the shelves as we rolled past them. It was amazing!

“It is four times more likely to affect a boy versus a girl,” the psychologist noted when she delivered his diagnosis.

I looked down at my infant daughter in my arms and thought, Thank God you’re a girl!

As an infant, my daughter was just as brilliant as my son, but remarkably different at the same time. She was a much easier-going baby! At first, we assumed she was developing normally, as it sure seemed to be so. By nine months of age, she dug her hands into table food and fed herself without a problem. By twelve months of age, she started using a spoon. She said words like “Mama” and “milk” and “bye bye” until… Shortly after her first birthday, the bye-bye went away, and I noticed she wasn’t saying “Mama” or “milk” anymore either. In fact, she wasn’t saying a whole lot of anything. She also didn’t walk until 16 months of age, and when she did, she had this strange little habit of pacing back and forth on her tiptoes. Sometimes, she’d stand in the middle of the room and spin around and around until she fell against the furniture. She’d simply rub her injury, get up and spin some more.

Later, she refused to use a spoon and, eventually, I noticed she wasn’t responding to her name. It was as if she had suddenly gone deaf. More and more, she withdrew until finally, by nineteen months of age, she was branded with the same diagnosis as my son.

(To learn more about the early behavior characteristics of autism, please visit this website:http://www.child-behavior-guide.com/)

My two-year-old son spins around and walks on his tip-toes all the time, too. Do you think I should be concerned?

I get this kind of question all the time. These behaviors, in and of themselves, do not necessarily indicate a problem. Keep in mind, every young child does odd things here and there as their brains continue to develop. It only becomes a red flag when A) It impedes their developmental progress (or causes it to regress), or B) it impedes on their ability to play appropriately, communicate, perform academically or socialize. However, if there is ever any worry over what your children are doing, you should always take the conservative approach and ask your pediatrician. If your worries are substantiated, ask if they’ll refer your 0-3 year-old to be evaluated by your county’s early intervention program. They’ll give you a definitive answer without hitting your wallet too hard. To get the information you need for your area, click here.

What if my child is 3 years of age or older?

True, most government-funded early intervention programs only address concerns regarding children ages 0-3. After that, you will need to consult the website of your county public school system. Most counties offer special education services for preschool-aged children on the spectrum. I’ll talk more at length about this in my future writings.

I can’t imagine what it must be like getting handed an autism diagnosis for both of your children. How did you handle all of that emotionally?

When my son was diagnosed, I was in a fog. I was so clueless about autism, and as I said before, he reminded me so much of what I was like as a child (and still does). I think that helped me cope through his diagnosis and challenges. I felt like I could relate to him very well, and thus, had a keen sense of what his needs were.

When my daughter was diagnosed, the bottom fell out. We were now facing autism again only from a much different angle. I say this because I felt a lot more fear for my daughter. You see, my son never regressed like she did and I worried about her more-pronounced social withdrawal. It was much more difficult to connect with her. That scared me. No doubt, the onset and diversity of symptoms, as well as the steps towards improvement, can vary widely in all ASD children, as best demonstrated by my own two children.

At his four-year well-check, my son’s pediatrician said… “I’m just amazed. If I was seeing this child for the very first time today, I would have never guessed he ever received an ASD diagnosis.” Meanwhile, at my daughter’s four-year well-check, she wasn’t yet communicating and barely cognizant of her environment. Rather than the steady improvement we continue to observe with my son, it seems my daughter often takes two steps forward and one step back. I really wish I knew why, and the mystery surrounding this has been the toughest thing for me to cope with emotionally. I’ve had to continually remind myself to just let that mystery go and stop measuring her progress against that of my son’s. She’s a different child than he is – gender, personality… everything! I can’t keep attempting to apply the same therapies that worked well for him and expect the same results for her. Most importantly of all, I can’t ever lose hope, simply because my daughter’s progress looks different. She has worked just as hard as her brother, shown remarkable improvement in her own beautiful manner. I’m so very proud of them both and very blessed to be their mother.

One of my favorite movies of all time is an 80’s film called “Parenthood”, which released before anyone ever heard the words ‘Autism Spectrum Disorder’. In one scene, Mary Steenburgen listened to her insufferable brother-in-law (Rick Moranis) as he gloated about his brilliant daughter. Suddenly, her youngest son came galloping into the kitchen, donning a bucket over his head, and proceeded to bang it against the kitchen cabinets. “He likes butting things with his head,” she noted sheepishly. Meanwhile, Steve Martin was frowning over his oldest son, Kevin, an extremely sensitive seven-year-old who stresses over most everything. “Why is he like this?!” Martin griped, as he stressfully pulled at his own shirt collar.

As I sit atop my island of unfolded laundry, eating a PB&J (just in case the sun ever explodes), I can’t help but smile. Sure, our kids will do some pretty kooky stuff – some of it will likely worry us to death! If we take just a moment and look at them closely, we’ll know everything is going to be okay, because if we look at them closely, we can see a reflection of ourselves in their eyes.

Old Yeller

Looking down at my daughter, I waved at the bus driver. “Bye Bye, Miss Walker!”

“Bye Bye Piss Water!” My daughter waved.

“Bye Bye, Miss Walker,” I repeated, enunciating clearer.

“BYE BYE PISS WATER!” My daughter bellowed.

Perfect, I thought as we headed indoors.

Opening my daughter’s bookbag, I pulled out her daily folder and reviewed her behavior incidences for the day. I blinked… then squinted harder… Does that really say 14 behavior incidences??

In our world, incidences are defined as outbursts. They consist of anything disruptive my daughter does inside a classroom, which generally means screaming, kicking and knocking her head against the floor. Put another way, it is behavior that is stalling her from attending a general education classroom (along with her communication delay, of course). Generally, my daughter will score anywhere between 2-8 incidences, so seeing the number 14 was a bit of a shock in one way… in another way, not so much.

This has been quite frustrating for me. Three years running now, my daughter’s behavior has been so cyclical in nature. She will have several weeks in a row where her outbursts will decrease… and decrease… and decrease… and we’ll think, Yes! We’re finally over this hump! Then suddenly, we’ll see a huge surge in incidences… which repeats… and repeats for several days in a row. Her sleep is disrupted, her self-stimming behaviors accelerate. We’re often awakened in the middle of the night by her strange and giddy behavior. Then, the next day, she will put her teachers (and us) through hell and back again. Why? Why does this keep happening to my daughter?

FACT: There is a genetic link to Autism

We now know Autism originates genetically, as science has proven it. But if this were the complete and total answer (which Science finally contends it isn’t) wouldn’t we have been able to scour my children’s ancestral backgrounds and find other incidences of full-blown Autism? True, our family is well-populated with genius types and introverts – people who could very well have been carrying the autism gene. However, I have yet to find any recent relative on either side who has struggled during their early childhood to the extent my children have struggled.

FACT: Children on the spectrum tend to have weaker immune systems than their neuro-typical (NT) peers, thus more susceptible to having airborne or food allergies.

One of many places in the human body where immunity is regulated is inside the gut (or intestines). Probiotic (or good) bacteria and immune cells regulate the levels of something called Candida bacteria (also known as yeast). Ordinarily, Candida is harmless. However, if it multiplies out of control, it can cause a lot of problems. A delicate balance no doubt, as antibiotics, allergies and high-sugar diets can easily throw things off. Is this tied to what is happening to my daughter? If so, how does it tie to the seasonal changes – a time when we see her behaviors change the most?

The answer could be laced in yellow dust.

As reported in the news, the highest level of pollen ever recorded in Atlanta history happened yesterday, at 9,369. Prior to that, the highest number was recorded in 1999 at 6,013. The immune system of every allergy sufferer has been kicked into overdrive. The cells and probiotic bacteria assigned to regulate our colons have either been sent on another mission, or have died all together. Like unmonitored teenagers, the Candida will party hard, and soon enough, begin to multiply.

THEORY: If Candida is inappropriately absorbed through the lining of the gut (which some theorize may be happening in ASD children), these toxins could potentially leak into one’s bloodstream and wreak havoc on brain function. Symptoms could include inappropriate laughter, stimming and other unpredictable behaviors.

Of course, all of this is still only a theory, but it could potentially explain my daughter’s cyclical behavior. Until science proves definitively, we will never really know. In the meantime, we’ll give this regimen another try…

- Culturelle for Children: I just discovered this product yesterday at CVS Pharmacy even though I understand it’s been on the market for some time. Prior to this, I’d been giving her the adult version (not always successfully). I’m now giving her one packet a day mixed with her Almond Milk. She took it without a problem yesterday evening. Bear in mind, at $28 a box, it hits your wallet.

- Claritin for Children: It comes in a chewable grape flavor. $20 a box.

- No high sugar foods. Savings… maybe $5. Ever notice the unhealthy stuff is always so much cheaper?

As a child, I was pretty much allergic to the entire world – every tree but one, every grass but two… I felt awful all of the time. It was like living inside of a cloud… an autonomous cloud… autonomous… autism?

No, I’m not suggesting I may have autism myself, but I can’t help but wonder how different I might be had I been raised in today’s environment. No need to be scientist to observe we live in a much different world now than we did as kids, but it will take a scientist to determine how these differences have affected our children.

Suppose for a minute, back in 1967, my pregnant mother as she sat atop her island of unfolded laundry. All of a sudden, a time machine appeared. Curious, she waddled inside and traveled forward through time to the year 2005, where nine months later, she gave birth to me. I’d be six-years-old and in kindergarten by now. I can’t help but wonder if living in this different world would have changed my biological makeup. Would I still be the same kindergartner I was in the early 70’s, or would I be sitting in the same self-contained autism classroom as my daughter sits today? The fact I torture myself thinking about this simply isn’t fair. The fact I run into so many other ASD parents, who also torture themselves, is simply unfathomable. Once upon a time, I didn’t know anyone with an ASD child. Now I bump into them everywhere I go!

The Science Behind Autism - As This Parent Understands It

As a parent of spectrum children, I can attest to the peer pressure we feel when raising our children. The constant questions or words of advice we often face… Have you tried changing her diet this way? Have you thought about increasing his vitamin intake that way? Maybe if you took away that pink polka-dotted cup… Trust me, I’ve heard it all and equally guilty of pushing my own advice, which one should certainly take for what it’s worth.   I am definitely no Autism expert.   I’m just your average mom who has done a ton of reading.  However, one thing I know for certain is this… To make the best decisions for one’s children, one can’t go along with the crowd, because the needs of each child are completely individual.  What works for one may not work for another, and having two on the spectrum, I can proclaim with the utmost of certainty the bitter-sweet truth behind this sentiment.

Most websites define Autism Spectrum Disorder, or ASD, as a life-long neuro-developmental disability with an onset before 36 months of age and characterized by impairments in social interactions, verbal and non-verbal communication skills. It also encompasses repetitive/stereotypical behavior, interests and activities. Although the cause(s) are not known, autism is likely to have multiple aetiologies, including genetic factors.

Okay, well then what the heck does this mean??

In my opinion, it really means nothing.  Currently, Autism Spectrum Disorder is just a convenient label without a clear definition.  It covers a vast number of disabilities as well as level of affectation.  There are literally hundreds of books written on the subject.  However, the nature and severity of the symptoms described in most books weren’t anything I could personally relate to at all.  It wasn’t until I delved further in and came across another term before I felt like I was getting anywhere.

Sensory Integration Dysfunction, defined by Wikipedia as a neurological disorder that causes difficulties with processing information from the five senses (vision, auditory, touch, olfaction, and taste), the sense of movement (vestibular system), and/or the positional sense (proprioception). For those with SID, sensory information is sensed, but perceived abnormally. Unlike blindness or deafness, sensory information is received by people with SID; the difference is that information is processed by the brain in an unusual way that may cause distress or confusion. SID is its own diagnosis, but it can be linked to other neurological conditions, including autism spectrum disorders, attention deficit disorder, dyslexia, Developmental Dyspraxia, Tourette syndrome, multiple sclerosis, and speech delays, among many others.  From here, I took a peek beneath the skull by stumbling through as many scientific research articles that I could.

The brain is an elegant piece of organic machinery.  To work well, it requires a lot of coordination in the transfer and processing of sensory information.  The carriers of the information are called neurons, and whenever we receive input through our senses, these little guys go to work.  For example, a person places a cup of hot tea in front of you and says, “Here is your tea.” – this being the visual and auditory sensory input. Your brain processes this information and determines all of the social, physical and emotional necessities involved before sending a signal to our body for a response … thanking the person who made the tea for you, how to position your fingers around the handle of the cup, the amount of pressure you need to apply to the handle to pick it up and the anticipation of hot liquid as it reaches your mouth, including an emotional response if the liquid is too hot.  It is theorized that the majority of spectrum cases result from an anomaly in this neurological process, the connection – or synapses – between nerve cells and the brain.

Here’s what we know through scientific study…. It all began several years ago when a set of scientists performed a study using a machine that measures MU waves in the brain; the firing of neurons.  Using this device, they studied the responses in both typical and spectrum children.  First, they measured the brain responses in typical children as they went about executing a task; such as drinking from a cup.  As expected, when a typical child picked up the cup drank from it, a set of neurons fired off in the brain to promote the completion of the task.  They repeated the same test for the spectrum children and pretty much found the same result.  When the spectrum child drank from the cup, the neurons usually fired as they should.

Next, they completed the same test, only this time, they measured the brain’s response in typical children as they watched another child drink from a cup. Interestingly, in the typical children, the neurons fired off again as if they were performing the task themselves.  However, when the spectrum children watched another child complete the task, the neurons did not fire at all.

This particular movement in neurons is referred to as mirroring neurons, which are believed to be instrumental in a child’s early learning and development.  Their existence was discovered a few decades ago by scientists who conducted a study on monkeys.  Mirroring neurons are thought to be key in adaptive learning, essentially enabling us to mimic another in order to learn things, such as waving, walking, eating, communicating and many other skills.  They are also thought to have a role in enabling us to empathize and maintain eye contact. This is why you often see therapists working “hand-over-hand” with children — placing their hand over the child’s and repetitively having them complete a certain task.

You see, the neurons are actually firing off when the child is doing the task themselves, and with enough repeat in this action, the so-called “memory chip” will be stored away for later retrieval

In 2008, scientists honed in on six genes within the chromosomal helix that were consistently “switched off” in children falling within the spectrum.  These six genes are thought to be involved in the synapses between nerve cells and the brain.  Science posits that a child’s brain is in a rampant mode of development up until around the age of eight, upon which time its development slows considerably.  This is why early diagnosis is thought to be key.  The brain of a young child still in the stages of development is thought to be more malleable for “retraining”, thus a much higher chance of success in intervening and essentially “switching on” those six genes in the helix.  But what about these cases where you hear of a child developing in a typical fashion, when suddenly, their learned skills begin to regress or disappear? My child was smiling, talking and playing just fine, then suddenly, he reached the age of 18 months and everything changed.

The Salience Landscape resides deep within the part of the brain known as the Amygdala, dead center of one’s head (behind the eyes and nose and in between the ears). This is where a memory bank of learned information is stored, resulting from all memories of processed input taken in through our senses.  When we are newborns, the Salience Landscape is much like a large field full of rich soil, and as we grow, the resulting seeds from our experiences are planted in this landscape.  Over time, it takes shape, starting off extremely slow and adding momentum until it takes off like kudzu during our preschool years.

As it pertains to ASD, if something external triggers a disruption in sensory processing into memory, at any point during development, it stands to reason it could easily disrupt prior learned memory stored inside the Salience Landscape.